Space. Everything needs space to grow, and everything needs to grow. For the past week, every day when I unroll my yoga mat, I pluck a slip of paper from my jar of intentions to guide me in my practice. Even when I spill out the whole jar on the ground and scramble them about; even when I choose with my eyes closed: CYCLES. Every time.
Yes.
The ocean said the same to me last week when I sat beside her. "Rooooaaarrr!" she said. Then, "Hussssssshhhhh." Over and over, a cycle of rising and falling. Chaos, then peace. In the middle, almost imperceptible, but there if you pay really close attention: space. In that space, respect for each other, the chaos, the peace; they need each other to exist.
Mike and Jack went away this past weekend to visit Mike's grandparents in upstate NY. At first, I was devastated by Jack's absence. Overwhelmed by all the silence. Then, I fell back into the space. I owned it. Literally. I created my own private healing sanctuary in the spare bedroom where I've been crashing intermittently. I moved my armoire in from the master bedroom, moved all my clothes. I hung up mirrors and adorned the walls with symbols of protection and strength, healing and creativity. I have my own room now. Mike has his own room now.
Space.
Jack's bedroom became my project today as I awaited his return. I threw myself whole-heartedly into being his mom despite our distance. I created a sacred space for my boy. A clean, fresh room full of all his favorite things moved about and reenergized. I adorned his walls with symbols of protection and strength, healing and creativity. A special gift sat on top of his bookshelf: a lantern to shed some light and help him feel safe in the dark.
When they came home and Jack saw his room, he lit up! He could feel the love I poured into his space and he loved it back. He looked at me and said, "Mama! You got your power back!"
Presently, Jack is upstairs sleeping peacefully in the hush after all the chaos. Mike is resting in his own room. I am in the living room (still bingeing on "Orange is the New Black"). We all have space. And the pain, the ache that we are all still living with, just growing pains.
The cycle continues...
